I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
