Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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