a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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