You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
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So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
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The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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