it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
