At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
