I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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