i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
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My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
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I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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