Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
