The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
