walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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