A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Randomize
