God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
