I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Randomize