Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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