I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
