Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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