I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize