she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
