I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
