so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
