So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize