just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
