Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
