if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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