I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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