haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
