I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
We need a shit load of segways right now
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Someone signed my nipple.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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