I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
