She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
