Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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