I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
