But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
