I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
