At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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