i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
