Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
My life is pants optional.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
