Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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