I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
