We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
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nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
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Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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