I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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