Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
