Too much gin, very little bucket
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
