I could make wine with my vomit
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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