The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
