Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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