1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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