I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize