I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I stole a fireplace last night.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'm bleeding and have questions
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
