I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
