i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I touched a dick in church today
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