Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
