the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Randomize
