so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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