time to smoke my breakfast
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
