wat bout pragnant strippers??
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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