btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.