New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor