I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
20+ Kids Who Probably Didn’t Mean To Draw Hardcore Porn
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
So was this before or after he cried about trump?