It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
what day is it and did you see me today?
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
23 Absolutely Despicable Things That People Have Actually Done
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?