# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize