Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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