his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
